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The longer I live, the more items I add to the list of things that are quite simply none of my business.  I used to be the person who asked a single person if they had a significant other.  Then I was single and realized how irritating that question could be.  I used to be the person that asked a dating couple when they were getting married.  Then I lived a little longer and realized that life isn’t always quite that simple.  I used to be the person who asked a young married couple when they were going to have kids.  Then I experienced infertility and realized just how painful that question can be.  I used to be the person who asked a young mom when number two was going to be coming along.  Then I walked alongside friends and family who are unable to add to their family, or who have miscarried, or who have had disrupted adoptions, and I realized the pain that people can hide behind a smile.  The bottom line is, it’s none of my business.  If people want me to know things, they’ll tell me. I was surprised when Abbi was born at how quickly people started asking when and if we were going to adopt again.  When she turned one, the questions hit hyper-drive, and I got pretty good and answering with a smile and a vague “when the time is right.”  But when was the time going to be right?  We waited till I finished with my grad program.  We waited till summer.  We waited till after the beach trip.  We waited till the fall.  We waited till after Abbi’s birthday.  We waited till our trips were over.  At each juncture we talked and we self-examined and we debated, and we just weren’t ready.

But now?  Now we’re ready.  And so we’re off!  As of last Thursday, we are officially on the path to bringing home our next sweet miracle baby.  Those of you who have been keeping up with us for the last couple years may remember how this goes.  For those of you who have forgotten or who may be new to the adoption scene, here’s a refresher:

I call it my Paper Pregnancy.  Like a typical pregnancy, it has three trimesters.  During my first trimester, I’ll be a paperwork machine.  We’ll be updating our home study and getting new criminal clearances and getting new child abuse clearances and getting new FBI clearances and getting new medical clearances and updating our family profile and making a video profile and compiling letters of reference and financial data and…you get the idea.  It’s a lot of paperwork.   After all the paperwork is completed, we’ll enter our second trimester.  During the second trimester, we are considered “active” with our agency, which means that they’ll be showing our profile to birthmothers who fit our criteria.  Once we are matched with a birthmother, which could take a couple days or several months, we begin our third trimester.  The third trimester is simply the time in which we are getting to know the birthmother and waiting for our little one to be born.  Typically we’ll be matched with 4-6 weeks left before the due date, but it could be as little as a day or two, or even a baby that has already been born.  So when are we due?  No idea.  My best guess is sometime between April and June, but it could be a couple months sooner or later as well.

Much like my friends going through their second “traditional” pregnancy, I’m way more relaxed the second time around.  The first time I was stressed about the process, taking ultimate personal responsibility for every single detail, and battling feelings of failure if a piece of paper had to be resubmitted.  I stressed about the physical and emotional health of the birthmother, and agonized over the idea of getting someone to pick us.  I prayed fanatically, as that was the only way I could keep myself focused on the Truth of the situation- that God was going to bring the right baby home to us at the right time.  And then our sweet Abbi was born.  And now I get it.  This time I’m not stressed, and I’m not worried, and I’m praying, not out of desperation, but in confidence.  The truth is that our baby is out there and this is simply the process of how we meet.  The truth is that there is no power in heaven or on earth that can prevent our baby coming home to us at the proper time.  I’m not saying that the ride will be smooth.  Twists and turns are inevitable, and there may even be some U-turns along the way, but I have confidence in the end of this story.  I have confidence that some number of months from now I’ll be holding my baby, marveling over tiny fingers and toes, gazing in wonder at soft cheeks and kissable lips, reminding Big Sister Abbi to be gentle, finding room on my lap for them both, and thinking to myself, “How could I not have known?  What did we ever do without this baby?”  And besides, who has time to worry when you have a two year old to chase?!

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