If you’ve followed my blog at all over the last couple years, you know that I don’t use it as a soapbox. I talk about Abbi. I post vacation pics. I dabble at explaining our adoption process. Today, I’m going to use it as a soapbox. You have been warned.
I don’t know how many of you watch the tv show “Glee.” Eric and I have watched from the beginning, and while it’s not a perfect show, it’s entertaining. After an episode we watched this weekend, however, I am done with it. Adoption has been a minor storyline that they’ve blundered from the beginning- showing a pregnant teen making a last second, cavalier decision to place her baby for adoption; showing the adoptive mother signing ONE paper at the hospital and walking off with the baby; failing to follow up with counseling or appropriate grieving for the birth mother; failing to show ongoing contact between the adoptive mother and the birth mother, etc. They haven’t done a great job with it, but honestly, TV generally gets it wrong. I watched their treatment and I thought, “Eh, well, at least they’re trying. At least it’s mostly positive. It’s not accurate, but it’s not anything too terribly damaging.”
Then I watched the second episode of Season Three, however, and my opinion changed. The adoptive mother, Shelby, and the baby, Beth, show back up in town. Shelby approaches the birth parents and offers to let them be a part of Beth’s life. She does a great job of explaining how important it will be for Beth, and how she doesn’t want Beth to have questions when she gets older. So far, so good. Quinn, the birth mother, responds with a scathing speech about how Shelby isn’t the mom and that she can “pretend” all she likes, but she’ll never be Beth’s mother. And then I felt sick. I rationalize, though, that maybe they are getting ready to make the point that Quinn didn’t get the help she needed in grieving and that they’ll show her moving to a more healthy emotional place. Shelby responds with kindness and continues to reach out to Puck, the birth father. Puck is respectful of Shelby’s role as Beth’s mother and, with Shelby’s blessing, begins to build a healthy, appropriate relationship with Beth. Maybe they’re going to pull this off after all. Then, in the final seconds of the episode, Quinn announces that she wants “her” baby back and that she’s going for full custody. And now I’m ticked.
This is more than being a tinge off. This is more than just glossing over facts for the purposes of TV. This is a blatant and gross reinforcement of adoption misconceptions and stereotypes that are decades and decades outdated. It is hurtful to every member of the adoption triad: adoptive parents, adoptees, and birth parents. As it pertains to adoptive parents, the idea that a birth parent could come back to claim a child is completely false. It is illegal. Once a child is adopted, it is forever. There is no going back. Ever. Period. How many potential adoptive families might be scared off by this irresponsible portrayal of false information? Secondly, think about how an adoptee might feel, watching this episode. It would be terrifying to be told that your mom isn’t really your mom and that at any moment you might be ripped away from your family. That’s devastating. Finally, the show’s target demographic is teens, some of which may become unexpectedly pregnant. As they consider their options, it’s terrifying that their first impression of adoption might be what they saw on “Glee.” Adoption is NOT a decision to be made lightly. It does NOT happen without a great deal of support and counseling, both before and after. In almost every case there WILL be contact between the adoptive family and the birth family after the baby is born. And, it is NOT a decision that is just for a little while. There is no going back. It’s forever.
Yes, I’m more aware of how adoption is portrayed in our culture since it is a part of our family. I actually wrote my Master’s thesis on the topic and was pleased to see a positive trend toward more accurate portrayals. And now, in one fell swoop, that’s been knocked out. It’s frustrating that such a popular show that does other issues so well has failed so miserably when it comes to this topic. Eric and I took to the Internet to find out whether we should stick with it and see if they righted the ship (we’re several episodes behind what’s currently airing) or stop watching immediately. I read that episode seven involves the birth mother planting harmful objects in the adoptive mother’s apartment and calling Child Services on her, as well as Shelby and Puck (adoptive mom and teenage birth father) kissing. I’m out. Shame on you, “Glee.” Shame on you.
